Jan 31, 2009

Grandma got run over by a flying saucer

We have a SMALL hill (more of a dip than a hill) in our back yard -- you can see it in the photo here. In flat southwestern Ohio, this little dip was THE sliding spot in our neighborhood when my kids were small, despite the fact the ride on the sled took all of 3 seconds -- as opposed to the 90 second "hills" I grew up with in New Hampshire. With more forethought than I normally exhibit, I purchased a "flying saucer" at a yard sale last summer. Yesterday was THE BIG DAY for introducing Brayden to sliding (as we called it in New Hampshire -- "sledding" to others). Jeff was home for the day, so we dragged him outside with us in the 15 degree weather. He had to shovel 8 inches of frozen ice-encrusted snow away from the front of the shed door so we could get the flying saucer -- which turned out to be in the garage. Flying saucer, piece of rope, everyone looking like the Pillsbury Doughboy in a riot of winter clothing and colors... off to the "hill" we go. At first a little leary of sitting on the funny red circle of a flying saucer, I finally convince Brayden that he's going to "fly like the wind" and to sit down. I give him a push. Ka chunk ka chunk push! ka chunk ka chunk push! Hmmm... slower than I expected, which meant Brayden was thinking this was NOT going to be as much fun as I'd explained to him. I'm still determined. so I convince a very reluctant Jeff to go down next, so HE can show Brayden how much fun it is! Jeff gets on -- legs and feet waving out in front of him (flying saucers were not made for 6 foot tall big guys) -- I give him a BIG push - ka chunk, ka chunk, PUSH! ka chunk ka chunk.... sigh. We practically had to PULL him down the entire hill. Brayden's thinking his grandparents made this whole "fly like the wind" thing up. He's losing interest. He's having more fun flinging snow at Joey the Killer Cat. Next, Brayden wants ME to get in the flying saucer so he can pull me down the hill -- which he now assumes is how this whole sliding thing goes. I figure I've watched Brayden go down the hill at zero miles per hour, Jeff go down the hill at zero miles per hour - what's the harm in letting the poor kid pull me down the hill? I plop my big ol' lady butt down on the flying saucer and before you can say "Holy crap I'm going 90 mph" I'm flying down the hill, hat flying off in the air, hair whipping out behind me.... headed for the WOODS! Brayden is practically peeing his pants laughing, Jeff is standing at the top of the hill with his mouth hanging open -- and I'm trying to stop myself from being beheaded by tree limbs. After I recover and pull the snow out of my glasses, my ears and my hair, Brayden now thinks this is the coolest thing EVER! "Do it again, Umma!" I try to convince him that HE should try another ride because he might go fast this time (now that I've got the trail blazed) -- but Nooooo! "I want to watch YOU do it!" So now Brayden thinks the fun part of sliding is watching Grandma go arse over tea kettle into the woods. When Mary came to pick Brayden up last evening, she asked him if he had a good day. He said, "Yes! We went outside and Umma went SO fast she was flying like the wind!" Mary looked at me and shook her head, and I just gulped down three more Motrin and smiled back at her. Luckily, no one was around with a movie camera. But picture this: OK, it only FELT that fast. Believe what you want -- just pass me the Motrin and my Grandma of the Year Award.

13 comments:

Lisa said...

Great story Joan! That must have been a riot. Hey, maybe it finally reminded of you of home and childhood in New England!

Dixie's Whimsey said...

oh Joan! I was so hoping Jeff had his cell phone camera with him to take a picture! You've created a wonderful memory that Brayden will be telling his children 30-years from now...

when we were kids, it didn't snow much in NE Arkansas... but when it did... we used those fine silver round garbage can lids... they were swell!

hugs. Dixie

Anonymous said...

Hilarious! It reminded me of the time, the only time, I went skiing. My friends were all doing these major hills so I thought how hard can this be. No bunny slopes for me! Keep in mind this was at major ski resort, not one of those manmade places that are pretty flat.

...Anyway took several minutes to get to the top in the ski lift and jumping out of that thing was scary in and of itself. Then my friend told me to just bend my legs and lean forward with the poles behind me and he said go side to side so I can stop at each side before going down farther. Well, off I went!

And like you on your sled I was going So FAST and I was afraid to bend my legs from side side or do anything else. So, there I was in that sloped down knees bent position the whole time on this long course, you know like the professional skiiers do at the Olympics for speed.

My friends were laughing hysterically and tried to keep skiing next to me to tell me what to do at the bottom which would be coming up eventually. At the bottom I put my skiis together like they show on the Wild World of Sports and didn't crash too bad afterall!

What memories!

Kim

Joan said...

Funny, funny, Kim! Reminds me of ONE of the THREE times I had a broken leg as a kid. After four years of skiing lessons, I broke my leg going UP the rope tow :) Winter sports have never been my forte!

Karen said...

Joan, I was going to tell you my sledding story but it's too long for a comment. Check my blog...I'll write it there.

Lucy said...

How funny! Would love to have been there. I may even have tried. Oh Pshaw.....I know I would have tried it. 30 years of Arizona means it's been a long time since I've done any snow stuff.

The Calico Quilter said...

Thank you for the best laugh I have had in weeks. After I picked myself up off the den floor, I thought about my sledding history (not very extensive) and how we used to swipe cafeteria trays in college and slide down the slope behind the dorm complex. I don't think I would fit on a cafeteria tray these days. You got ice, but we just get rain, although right now our raindrops are starting to look a little whiter and fatter. There may be hope.

Presents Rock said...

omg.. i would have DIED.. and you do win the grandma of the year award.. i just make fun of my grandma for her broken english.. haha. (;

Shannon said...

Oh the memories of sledding. It was so fun when we were little, but not quite as thrilling as we've grown. Sounds like a nice memory for your grandchild.

Melanie Lauren aka "puddlebugs" said...

LMAO!
Too funny! I can totally relate to the kids looking at you sideways, wondering if you've finally lost a nut.
Melanie (puddlebugs on swap-bot)

Staci K. said...

LOL! Great story! I can just imagine the looks on their faces watching you fly down that hill! :)

Kathryn said...

Thank you for this wonderful story which made me laugh so much. Fantastic!

diane said...

Thanks for making me laugh. What a funny story and so well written.