May 27, 2015

A Personal Epiphany

Wow - it's been a long time since I posted on my blog. I can't promise I'll do better, but I can promise I'm thinking about it!

I'm writing this particular post more for myself than for anyone reading it. It's something I think I'm going to need to come back and read now and then.

I've been busy. Every single day. Busy. Busy. Busy. Between grandkids (sick or just wanting to come stay overnight or just come for a visit), the garden, outdoor work, sewing, keeping my house clean (and fairly organized), making all my foods from scratch now - I've been busy. My Daily To Do List usually contains at least a dozen major items, and that doesn't include all the normal daily stuff that I never write down.

A few days ago I finished planting my vegetable garden -- actually created a new garden to extend my growing room, and planted green beans, zucchini and cucumbers. I got up early so I could get it all done before the temps hit the 80s. Hot weather and I don't mix well. I was done by 11:30 or so.

I came into the house, put away my seed box, and checked everything I'd just done off my To Do List. Left on it were to put dishes away and sweep the kitchen. I got those done and it was then still before Noon.

Here comes the Epiphany.

I had nothing left to do.

My house was clean - upstairs and down. The gardens and containers were all planted and attended to. Annual flowers and flower boxes were all planted and in place.

I was done.

And I thought to myself...

I'm NOT lazy.

What?? A lot of people would be surprised to know that I very very frequently think of myself as "Lazy". I don't remember where this came from. I don't remember my parents calling me lazy as a child. But for at least the past 30+ years, I have labelled myself "lazy". If I was sitting down, that meant I was lazy. If I watched TV or played games on the computer? Sleep late?  Lazy lazy lazy.

But I realized in one tiny nano-second, it's not true.

I am not lazy.

I do a LOT. I look at my life as a stay-at-home wife as a job. I work hard to earn my share of the house money. I clean the house, do the gardening, save money at every turn by canning, baking my own breads, shopping sales, hanging out my laundry, shop at thrift stores and yard sales, and generally never, ever spending a penny I don't have to.

You could knock on my door this very second and I could invite you in to sit and have coffee and not be embarassed by what my house looks like. It's fine. It's clean. It's clutter free.

Because I am NOT lazy.

Soooo many of my friends and family right now are saying, "Is she kidding?" But I have to tell you, from my heart, from my brain - I have always, always thought of myself as a lazy person. Always.

But not anymore. I am not lazy.


You can't see it, but right now I'm smiling. This silly Epiphany has totally changed the way I look at myself. I got to virtually erase what for years and years I thought of as my biggest character flaw. It's gone. I'm not lazy.

I may, in fact, be a "hard worker". But that's just too much to digest right now.

One Epiphany at a time.

P.S. I feel a need to add something. This is NOT a post about anyone else. This is a post about ME. This is not a judgment on YOU for what you do or don't do. Who knows? You may well do more than me!! You may do less than me and be fine with that. This has nothing to do with you. Just this one time, it's all about ME. So don't read anything into it, OK? Thanks.


sarah said...

Reading your post made me realize how lazy I am. I procrastinate way too much. I want to be where you are. You are my big sister and my role model. But I need to end sink is full of dishes, the kitchen floor needs mopping, the living room floor needs vacuuming.....

CertifiablySpoiled said...

I feel lazy, but it's really a matter of having a lot on my plate and not enough plate to hold my load... so to speak. :) I love you and you are an inspiration. I always brag about you to my friends and one day hopefully can say that my house is clean and I have nothing to do. :) Not today! :) Xoxoxoxo

BTW... you should add your other DGD... :)

Verna G said...

i'm not sure what inspired that deep introspection. WOuld enjoy if you would start blogging again.