Dec 8, 2008

What Would June Cleaver Do?

So you sat down at the computer at 8:00 AM right after your husband left for work this morning, and thought you'd read a few blogs, write a bit on your own - you know - catch up. You sip your coffee, get up and make a sandwich, knowing full well in just a minute you'll get up from the computer and get going on your housework and things you need to get done that day. You casually look up at the clock and GASP! it's 4:45! Your husband is due home from work in 15 minutes! He's going to see the messy house, the unmade bed, the piles on the counter, the dirty laundry and ohmygawd, he's going to know -- he's going to know you did nothing all day - he's going to think you're addicted to the computer -- he's going to think you're (gasp!) a terrible housewife! Oh, he might not say it -- but you know he's going to think it. You can practically hear the gavel of the Divorce Court judge banging on the desk! What would June Cleaver do? Nothing -- June Cleaver had a full time housekeeper. But that's OK - Relaaaxxxxx... piece 'o cake. I'm here to rescue you. Here's the blogging housewife's fast method of doing housework. 1. Calmly let go of your mouse -- flex your fingers a few times to get feeling back in them. 2. R-U-N (not walk - RUN) up the stairs to your master bedroom. Throw all bed pillows on the floor, yank up the sheets, yank up the blanket, yank up the quilt, smooth them all down, put the pillows back on. 3. Grab a laundry basket, run to the hamper (you're not walking are you?!), pull out one small load of clothes (enough so the hamper shuts). Put the basket by the door. 4. Go to your master bathroom, grab the wet washcloth, wipe down the sink surround. Then lift the toilet seat and give that a wipe. We're talking fast here - one swish - it gets what it gets. 5. Bringing the washcloth with you (ewwwwww - did you think I was going to leave it in the bathroom to be used again?), return to the laundry basket, bring it to the laundry. Put last week's half-wet wash in the dryer with two dryer sheets (maybe that musty smell will go away), turn on the dryer. Put the new load your brought downstairs in the washer and turn it on. Water temp, load size, detergent -- none of that matters -- you just want the washer and dryer going when your husband walks in the door. 5a. If you're real lucky today (and you could use some today!), there will be a load of dry clothes in the dryer that should have been folded three days ago. Grab an armload of the dry cloths and place them on the family room (or whatever room he watches TV in) couch. When the laundry basket is empty from step 5, put these clothes in the laundry basket -- and return it to the couch. 6. Go to your kitchen. Fill up your sink with about 2 inches of hot water. Dump in some lysol or equally strong smelling cleaner. Grab your kitchen dishrag and wipe down open spots on the counter and stove top. 7. Dirty dishes fast into the dishwasher if you can. Doesn't matter if there's clean dishes in there, they won't shrink if you wash them again. If you can't fit it all in, go for storage under the sink. Men never look under the sink. 8. Run into the family room, plump the cushions, grab whatever is obviously out of place and put it somewhere... cabinets are good, drawers are good, a broom closet works in a pinch. Put the remote control next to "his chair". 9. Back to the kitchen. Grab cans of food, a bag of flour, eggs and some kind of meat out of the refrigerator. Put it on the counter where you normally prepare food. It doesn't matter if that's what you're going to make for dinner -- it will look like you've got dinner thought out and ready to start cooking. 10. If you've yet to hear the car pull into the driveway, put on a pot of coffee. Put two store bought Chocolate Chip cookies on a plate and nuke them for 10 seconds as soon as you hear that car. Place them next to the coffee -- with a paper napkin. Still time left? 11. Grab a hairbrush and brush. So what have we accomplished in under 15 minutes?
  • The house smells like you've been cleaning all day long (Lysol in the kitchen sink).
  • The house smells like you've been baking (microwaved cookies).
  • Your bathroom is sparkling clean (he doesn't see pee on the seat, and his coffee cup marks are gone from the sink).
  • You have obviously done at least three loads of laundry -- one on the couch to fold, one in the dryer, one in the washer.
  • The bed is made. If you don't normally do this, your husband is REALLY going to think you cleaned all day. If you do normally do it, he'll think all is right with the world.
  • You are neat, clean and completely unfrazzled. You are neat and clean.
And if you're lucky, you still have time to come back to your computer and blog an article like this one!

9 comments:

Michelle said...

This is great! There are so many days I feel like this. I have just recently started blogging and find myself spending HOURS on end in front of the computer. I especailly love the photo of the dog in the dishwasher

Sarah O'Day said...

Are we writing from experience here? lol

Anonymous said...

We have all had days like this, but personally I feel really bad if I do and try to to keep them to a minimum. After 9am, no more checking the computer with the cup of coffee or reading the newspaper. Off to more productive things. Afterall, we DO work even if it is at home. Well, time to go!

Debbie

Tina said...

I am pretty sure I've done this before! It does work, just not 5 days a week...hehe.

I love an end of episode clip from According to Jim, and I have seen the email rounds of this: Husband always asks your above question..."what have you been doing all day?" Insinuating nothing looks like it was done. He comes home one day with a total mess of a house, with the wife comfortable on the couch in jammies, reading, snacking, and the kids running all over and a mess.....she says..."This is what is looks like when I don't do anything!" I LOVE IT!

Dixie's Whimsey said...

okay Joan... you know me well enough by now to know that I'd just meet him at the door with nothing but my apron on... he'd never notice the household disarray... But I enjoyed reading your version... Guess I'm more of the Scarlet Ohara type than the June Cleaver type -at least when it comes to getting myself OUT of trouble... "fiddle-de-dee"... ;)

Dixie's Whimsey said...

and of course you inspired me to post something about your post... you are an inspiration...

otterdaughter said...

That's hilarious...I'm afraid I'd never bother with all that rushing around. Heck, I'm lucky if the hubby is home by 6:30, so 4:45 is tons of time. Enough to rack the brains for something to make for dinner. As long as there's food, my husband could care less about the rest. At most he'd ask if I've been busy quilting all day. He's even been known to do his own work laundry on a regular basis!

Maybe one of these days I should try Dixie's apron trick...

MaryLu said...

Oh my goodness! Good thing I read this at noon. There's still time to get my houswork done before he gets home! LOL!
Thank you for sharing what, I'm sure, we all feel!

mommyto2boys said...

Wow, are you watching me. lol Just found your blog, and I love it!